“ September 21st, XXXX
My Darling, here is a letter to you. I hope you understand why I ought to write this by hand instead of speaking in truth for you eye to eye. I hope this letter would find its way to you in time.
My Darling, it’s been a long hard battle. I’ve been away for far too long, spring and summer flew by in seconds; Not many could even make it out alive. I’m a lucky son a of a gun to even hear the crisp sound of leaves being stepped on-even if it’s coming from my worst foes.
My Darling, sometimes in a war, you can’t always see who is the enemy. You can’t always see who is right and who is wrong, everything is grey ; All they know is they just wanted to go home and kiss their loved ones waiting at home while they slowly notice their minds going awry; All the spirit had been died down because of the bodies everywhere; And so do I
My Darling, is it rude for me to ask this? For the fact that I know, the last time I saw you, we were so young and naive . You were never one to listen, so please continue to read this letter. I could still remember perfectly, how you looked like on the day that I was shipped away because I am the box of ammunition. How you were standing still in front of my porch, awfully still and stoic. I couldn’t read you and I didn’t dare to. Is there something you were trying to tell me? Or have I gone mad? because all of the deafening sounds around me for months are non lethal to my ears, except for your silence. It still rings clamorously to this day. I wish I had more time that day so I can hear your voice sway to soothe me, to not go. But you didn’t say anything. So, do you want me to leave for good? I guess you do. You don’t want me to be here? Because I swear on my own grave, if you were just to say a word, I would selfishly stay. I would just fight for you instead.
My Darling, I’ve seen the red flags almost in every route I took. Because I believe it would lead me back to you. No matter how dangerous and treacherous the track was or could’ve been, I always chose it to be that way. Even if I would wound up scathed with bullet holes and arrows, I would. It’s like an instinct to me. A magnet field I am trapped in, the push and pull that I cannot fight; Always giving in. For you, I would wave two white flags to surrender, Only for you.
My Darling, All the blood I’ve been seeing lately left me numb, I’m a Deadman walking, but nothing could ever jolt my heartbeat every time I imagine hearing you curse me out not out of spite or hearing you recite your favorite verses from the prose you just have learned to fall into. I don’t really understand literature and poetry, but I do understand the beauty of it when you read it aloud. It’s always hard for me to hide my sincerest smile, so I laugh it off instead. I should’ve been more honest.
My Darling, I could cry just by thinking of you. Is it wrong for me to let you live, free inside my mind? I just want you to be up there, because you can’t be here and of course I don’t want you to be here. It’s not very safe for you. I hope there’s no harm in your way, because I always sneakily prayed for your wellbeing every night to the stars, to angels, and even to God. I begged for no one or no such thing to even touch you or be bothersome to you. And Do you know? I could definitely ask Him to give you to me, because I want you that bad but I know better so I didn’t. I am not going to ask greatly supernatural prowess to grant me my wishes to have you, because I believe you are more grand. You were never one to be owned and you are still the one I’ve tried so hard to earn.
My Darling, I know you very well, by now I could picture how you would react after reading through the paragraphs. You would be indifferent or probably wouldn’t even budge in a way I hoped you would be. That’s alright, I know and I understand your sturdiness, I really just wanted to you to know. Because this might be the last time, I could speak as much to you. Talking about death might be a little too grim or taboo right now, but that’s the reality. I want my last moments to be about you, or about me being honest to you. About me speaking out in truth for you.
My Darling, I adore you. I care about you much more than I could care about my own being, I couldn’t care less and I would always give you my best.
Again, I hope you are safe and I hope I could yell “I Love You” to your face. In a way, I hope you’d never read this letter in the first place. Because it means I came back, I’d be around you by now. I’d tear up this letter and I would try to articulate my truth in face better. If not, I am forever gone and I want to you to keep this letter as a memento, as a proof that I’ve been a tiny part of your yet-adventurous life. I always believe in you.
Yours Truly,
……..”
